Overwatch : What It Means To Be A Hero
by LeHypeWagon
Summary: A dramatic tale between the characters of the game Overwatch. All profits go to Cleveland State University to help them get better teachers because hahahahahahaha


"We're all soldiers now," Soldier 76 grunted as he made his appearance on the battlefield. He was a rough, cranky and bitter old man who used a gun. He also wore a VR headset and the beginnings of a Bane mask to act cool in front of the younger kids. But this swaggy attire fooled exactly no one, because his balding white hair wasn't exactly appealing to the eyes.

He looked around him and groaned. As backup, they'd given him a teenage girl gamer/attention whore/little miss special with a shitty mech, a monkey, another monkey who liked to listen to shitty music, a French assassin who couldn't bother to use the team's common language because she was also a little miss special, and finally, an annoying British girl who warped around the place screaming "CHEERS LUV" at the top of her lungs. This was going to be a fantastic mission, he just knew it.

"Group up!" 76 bellowed. Back in his younger days, his voice had commanded such authority that many an evildoer had surrendered themselves to him as soon as they'd hear him yelling miles away. He was the man with the golden voice, who walked in the city gardens and attracted birds like a Disney princess.

So naturally when he told everyone to group up exactly none of them did that, instead rushing off in all other possible directions, the annoying Brit screeching "LOOKS LIKE YOU NEED A TIME-OUT" as she warped right off the nearby cliff.

76 put his hand to his face and shook his head, groaning. They'd all left him... except for the French sniper, clad in the tightest Spandex available at the local Walmart. She stood there, looking around, inspecting her rifle, unaware that yes, the battle had indeed begun.

76 was lost in thought. He stared at her defined buttocks and wondered how the hell this kind of attire was going to help her out on the battlefield. She caught him peeking and told him "Va te faire voir, grand-p re" in a low tone of voice.

"Looks like it's up to you and me," 76 said. "I'll take that pathway over there, and you-" he began, but stopped when he saw that the sniper had used a grappling hook to fly off in the complete opposite direction of where he was gesturing.

"I'm an army of one," 76 muttered relunctantly. Then he ran forward to the fight ahead.

Waiting for him just around the corner was a cowboy wearing a derpy hat and holding a small inoffensive revolver, an obese man wearing a gas mask and - was that a hook? -, two weaboo brothers who were shouting gibberish at each other while playing with dragon figurines, and oh yeah there was also Mercy standing around like a cuck.

"Tactical Visor activated," 76 grunted as he activated his VR set with a push of a button. As soon as he did, the cowboy spun around, threw a square at him and emptied the contents of his gun on him, missing every single shot. Then he rolled backwards off into the void.

The fat man was sucking on an orange, which upon closer inspection, revealed itself to be a gas grenade or something of the like. Naturally, the poor man died right afterwards after coughing his lungs out.

The two fuckface brothers, realizing they were being attacked, turned to face 76, shouting more gibberish. And then there were dragons. Or rather, the two brothers threw their precious dragon figurines at 76's face, who shrugged it off and raised his gun.

"Young punks, get off my lawn," 76 said as he shot them point blank in the face.

Finally, there was Mercy, that bitch. The one who'd stolen his heart and then had run away with that edgelord bastard.

"I've come to take back what's mine," he growled as he extended his hand.

"This booty isn't yours, Jack."

"It sure as hell isn't that Mexican's, that's for sure."

The Swiss nerd smiled. "You're right, for once." She pointed at a heaping pile of trash bags behind her. 76 saw Reaper's corpse atop the pile, and frowned. "You did this?"

"No, I did," said a woman behind her, and as he made to turn around his legs would not move, and as he cried out in confusion and anger he felt fear's cold icy shadow freeze his heart solid.

"Mei, you BITCH!" he roared just as his tongue froze in his mouth.

But the fat Chinese fuck only grinned, and plunged an icicle through his VR set and his head.

Then, she walked up to Mercy, took her hand, and walked off in the sunset. They would live happily ever after, have many children, and oh yeah lots of amazing sex.

THE END 


End file.
